


Animal Welfare

by Hexiva



Category: James Bond - Ian Fleming
Genre: Be kind to creepy animals, Canon Disabled Character, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, James Bond is a Softy, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29172213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexiva/pseuds/Hexiva
Summary: The latest of those madman James seems to attract has been defeated, and the CIA has been called in to clean up the hidden base. Felix searches the whole base, and finally locates James, in what can only be called a dungeon in the depths of the base. He is climbing on top of some sort of torture machine with a broom in his hands, apparently trying to brush something out from behind it. It’s a ridiculous picture, and Felix has to laugh.James looks up. “Oh, hello, Felix. Mind your feet, there’s a bloody great tarantula crawling around.”
Relationships: James Bond & Felix Leiter, James Bond & Honeychile Rider | Honey Rider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Animal Welfare

**Author's Note:**

> For MI6's Rarepair February, I've been using a random word generator to generate prompts for me. The prompt for this one was 'Felix/James, insect.' As a spider enthusiast, I am contractually obligated to note that spiders are not, in fact, insects . . . but I needed something that people consider "dangerous" but that couldn't fly.

The latest of those madman James seems to attract has been defeated, and the CIA has been called in to clean up the hidden base. What concerns Felix is that he can’t find James. He searches the whole base, and finally locates James, in what can only be called a dungeon in the depths of the base. He isn’t locked in. There are manacles dangling, empty, from the wall, and a lockpick discarded on the ground showing how he got out. He is climbing on top of some sort of torture machine with a broom in his hands, apparently trying to brush something out from behind it. It’s a ridiculous picture, and Felix has to laugh.

James looks up. “Oh, hello, Felix. Mind your feet, there’s a bloody great tarantula crawling around.”

“What the hell are you doing down here?” Felix asks, his eyes immediately flickering down to keep a close eye on the ground around his feet lest a deadly spider should show itself.

“Cleaning up. Can you push that cage over here? I think I’ve got the little bastard cornered.” James jerks his head towards a small metal cage on the ground. 

Felix raises his eyebrows, but uses his prosthetic leg to kick the cafe over by James. James nudges it closer with the broom, and then leans back behind the machine, making sweeping motions at something behind. “Get moving, you little bugger, I don’t have all day - ah!” Something scuttles into the cage, and the end of James’ broom slams the cage door shut. James climbs down, carefully latches the cage, and lifts up the cage, now containing a sizable pink-and-brown tarantula.

James catches the look Felix was giving him, and glances over to him. “I know it seems strange,” he admits, “But I just couldn’t help but think of what Honey would have said if I’d left the bloody thing to crawl around the base alone. They can’t survive in Northern climates, you see.”

“Honey?” Felix asks.

“Honey Ryder. Friend of mine . . . she has a fondness for animals. The uglier the better. Snakes, spiders, you name it . . .” James shrugs, slightly bashful. “We were involved for awhile, after I brought her back to the US, and she talked my ear off about the damn things. So when my, er, host here - ” He gestures to a dead body lying on the floor - “Decided to sic a tarantula on me, I realized it wasn’t any deadlier than a honeybee. And when I escaped, well . . .” James shrugs again. “Seemed like I owed it one.”

“What are you going to do with it?” Felix asks.

“I don’t know,” James says. “Take it back to Honey before I leave for England, I suppose. What do the damn things eat?”

“Hell if I know.” Felix smiles, broadly. “You know, James, for a tough guy, you sure do have a soft heart.”

James shot Felix a sidelong look. “Just don’t tell anyone. It would quite ruin my reputation.”


End file.
